William Ladewig and Paula W. Dail, a Menomonee Falls couple, have written a book entitled Memories of You: A Healing Journey Through the Garden of Grief.

Yes, countless books about death, dying and grieving have been published, but Memories of You enlists the reader as biographer and engages the grief process that is measured by one’s own timeline. It is a process that enriches the present by remembering the past. “We are a society that asks us to grieve and move on. Other cultures don’t do that. They figure out ways to integrate the loss into their lives,” Dail says.

Although our physical bodies die, our lives live on in those who remember. Historians have been capturing and recording the lives of famous men and women throughout time, giving us some insight into our collective past. It seems natural that we would do the same for those most important to us – parents, spouses, siblings, best friends. Unfortunately, we don’t because we don’t know where to or how to start. It is not only healing and helpful to remember and record, but it gives to those who come after us invaluable insight and a sense of connection, Ladewig says.

With contributions from grief therapists and those who have experienced loss, Ladewig and Dail have constructed prompts throughout the book to help capture memories. Structured as a workbook or journal, it allows the reader to create a biography of the loved one through “refreshed recollection,” Ladewig says. “You’ll notice the older you get, the more difficult it is to pass on memories.” He says many memories of his mother come from conversations with his sisters that spur his own recollections. “Talking about my mother and putting words to paper helped to understand her place in our family – what she was like and how she enriched my life.”

At 14, Ladewig lost his mother, and an entire week passed before he allowed himself to cry. “At that point, I had realized how much I had lost,” he says. Although the book was probably always in him, it wasn’t until seven or eight years ago that he began to write it. “My son had just moved to Washington D.C. and my father had passed away years earlier…”

Ladewig put the “work in progress” away only to ask his wife of less than a year to collaborate in finishing the book. “We worked on it for about six or seven months – off and on. It takes time, research and reflection to write something like this,” Dail says.

Dail, who holds a PhD in sociology and community resource development and is a novelist and playwright, says grief can define your life. “There is more to grief than just the loss. It depends on the relationship. We can grieve the death of someone we don’t even know. There are so many varying beliefs about dying. Some believe that life is an infinite process; some believe in Heaven and the hereafter. Whatever is your belief, loss is painful.”

Memories of You engages the reader in a process, but Ladewig says you should make it your own. There are places in the book to include personal items such as photos or a favorite recipe written in the loved one’s handwriting.

“It allows you to create a verbal portrait. It uses the transformative power of words to help the person grieve well and to find a peace that’s good,” Dail says. The book helps readers to focus their reflections, both the good and the bad, she says.

Captured memories of one who has passed can be cathartic, but Ladewig sees it more as a gift. “This book is so valuable because it allows the one who is writing the memories to put their arms around their memories and pass on those reflections and recollections to the next generation.”

Dail also experienced profound grief in her early thirties. “I lost someone who was very dear to me. It was sudden and it changed my life.” Dail admits all life experiences change us, but it is up to us how the experience will affect us.